These two are continually recounting stories that happened to a friend of theirs from back in Mississippi. The friend has made lot of money, even though he is not well educated. The stories are all about this friend’s “habit of misusing words ridiculously, especially by the confusion of words that are similar in sound.” In case you did not know, that is the definition of the word “Malapropism” (mal-a-prop-ism). (Special thanks to Melissa Donovan for pointing me to the correct word.)

The word is derived from the French phrase mal à propos (literally “ill-suited”). The Wikipedia states, “The terms malapropism and the earlier variant malaprop come from Richard Brinsley Sheridan‘s 1775 play The Rivals, and in particular the character Mrs. Malaprop. Sheridan presumably named his character Mrs. Malaprop, who frequently misspoke (to great comic effect), in joking reference to the word malapropos.”

(Note that malapropisms are different from other speaking or writing mistakes, such as eggcorns or spoonerisms.)

I have enjoyed these humorous phrases for years but I never could find the word that described them. Now I have found the word and I want to USE it!

So, here is a quick list of some of my favorite malapropisms. Some are from my memory, others from the web. All are hilarious! (Add your favorite in the comments.)

• Yogi Berra‘s statement: “Texas has a lot of electrical votes.” The malapropism is the use of “electrical” instead of the correct word, “electoral,” which is similar in sound.

 The following were all copied from the Wikipedia article:

Malapropisms by characters in films and television shows

• Archie Bunker from the American TV sitcom All in the Family was known for malapropisms of words and names:
  • “The hookeries and massageries…the whole world is turning into a regular Sodom and Glocca Morra.” (i.e., Gomorrah)
  • “Off-the-docks Jews” (i.e., Orthodox Jews)
  • “A woman doctor is only good for women’s problems…like your groinocology.” (i.e., Gynaecology)
  • “I ain’t a man of carnival instinctuals like you.” (i.e., carnal instincts)
  • “All girls go cockeyed during pooberescency.” (i.e., puberty)
  • “A Menstrual show” (i.e., minstrel)
  • “Irene Lorenzo, Queen of the Women’s Lubrication Movement.” (i.e., Liberation)
  • “Buy of them battery operated transvestite radios.” (i.e., transistor)
  • “In her elastic stockings, next to her very close veins.” (i.e., varicose)
  • “George Meaney, head of the UFO-CIA.” (i.e., AFL-CIO)
  • “The first priorority is that I’m the sick one” (i.e., priority)
  • “To my dear daughter Gloria Bunker, whom I forgive for marrying the Meathead, I leave my living room chair as a centralpiece in her someday living room” (i.e.,centerpiece)
  • “Last will and tentacle…” (i.e., testament)
  • “Patience is a virgin.” (i.e., virtue)
  • “A Polack art exhibit!” (i.e., Jackson Pollock).
  • “As youse people say, Sh-boom.” (i.e., shalom)
  • A “Kuzeeknee” instead of ‘Zucchini’

• Stan Laurel often used malapropisms in the Laurel and Hardy films:
  • “We heard the ocean is infatuated with sharks” (i.e., infested, although Ollie erroneously corrects him as meaning infuriated) - The Live Ghost.
  • “What a terrible cat’s after me!” (i.e., catastrophe) - Any Old Port!
  • “We’d like a room with a southern explosion” (i.e., exposure) - Any Old Port!
  • “The doctor said I might get hydrophosphates” (i.e., hydrophobia) - Helpmates
  • “We floundered in a typhoid” (i.e., typhoon) - Sons of the Desert
  • “We’re like two peas in a pot” (i.e., pod) - Sons of the Desert

Malapropisms by real people

• Malapropisms are often quoted in the media:
• Former Chicago Mayor Richard Daley: “Let’s get this straight. The police don’t cause disorder. The police are here to preserve disorder.”^{[citation needed]}
• It was reported in New Scientist that an office worker described a colleague as “a vast suppository of information”. (i.e., repository) The worker then apologised for his “Miss-Marple-ism”. (i.e. malapropism)^[4] New Scientist reported it as possibly the first time malapropism has been turned into a malapropism.

These are just some miscellaneous cuties that I have found:

• When she heard our Gloucester house was haunted, she uttered the immortal line, ‘You’ll have to get the vicar in to circumcise [instead of exorcise] it—J. Cooper, 1991.
• “No, a moo point. Yeah, it’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.” (i.e., moot) Joey Tribbiani on NBC‘s Friends
• “He is the very pineapple of politeness!” (i.e., pinnacle)

My Favorite: This was one that a past coworker used to say, “He has extinguished himself by his failure to make mistakes.”

By the way, I hope that we will hear more from the Brothers Malprop in the near future. My suggestion was that they start doing a weekly video on YouTube. Can you say, vicaral video?

Do you have a favorite ”Miss-Marple-ism”? Leave it in a comment below.

Well, although it is possible, Google Maps (step 10) suggests that the trip from “China” to “Taiwan” is going to be pretty difficult.

Trip from China to Taiwan is really difficult!

Try it yourself. 

Visit maps.google.com and enter “Dongjing Dao, Fujian, China to Bali District, Taiwan” (without quotes) into the search box and hit enter….

Step #10 says you will need to “Swim across the Pacific Ocean.” At that point, it is only about 165 kilometer (or just over 100 miles). Be sure to get plenty of rest before you go…

In this article, I will show you how. You can lose 1-3 pounds in less than an hour. This morning, I lost 2 pounds before breakfast! And it is not expensive.

Disclosure Notice: I am NOT selling expensive exercise machines, special diet foods, my book, or ANYTHING! I am not even recommending this kind of weight loss. This is just a public notice that weight loss is possible if you really want to – but do you really WANT to?

Caloric Balance

There is a limit to the amount of weight that a person can lose but it is considerably more than you might think. The average person can duplicate the examples that I mention here. How? By exercise.

So, what kind of exercise will cause me to lose that kind of weight? Well, it takes about 3500 calories to equal a pound of fat (about.com). You use about 700 calories per hour doing high intensity aerobics (Lisa Balbach). So, if you just do five hours of high intensity aerobics (non-stop), you will have used enough calories to burn one pound of fat! That is NOT something that I am going to do!

Richard Simmons sells DVDs under the title, “Sweating To The Oldies.” That is close to what we are talking about – but the type of music is unimportant. The SWEAT is what does it! Are you willing to sweat? If so, you can lose weight!

I discovered this process when I was running a few years back. I ran for about 30 minutes during my lunch break. There was a set of medical scales in the locker room and I weighed myself before going out one day. Then I weighed myself when I returned from a 3.5 mile run (about 30 minutes). I found that I weighed 3 pounds lighter than before. It was noontime on a hot summer day here in Southeast Louisiana. What had happened was that I had SWEAT off three pounds.

The old saying is, “A pint’s a pound, the world around.” Meaning that a pint of water is not just 16 ounces liquid weight – it is also 16 ounces physical weight. So, I had sweat 3 pints of water. That is NOT a good thing!! Everyone should re-hydrate themselves when they exercise. If you start to feel faint or dizzy – or if you stop sweating, you are likely getting close to heat fatigue – or even heat stroke! DRINK PLENTY OF WATER WHEN YOU EXERCISE!

Again, I am NOT suggesting that anyone use this technique for a weight loss plan. Although exercise is essential for everyone – especially if you want to lose weight, any loss of fluid is only a temporary weight loss. Stop by the Circle-K and get one of those 32 ounce “Big Gulp” drinks and you will GAIN two pounds (plus the extra calories that it contains).

The purpose of this article is towarn you about how your intake and outflow of liquids (and solids) can – and does – affect your weight. Such factors are very important if you are trying to accurately measure your weight. In order to get a reasonably correct measure of your weight, all measurements should be done under very similar circumstances each day. Just drinking a cup of (calorie-free) liquid will increase your weight by 8 ounces (or 1/2 pound). Likewise whether you used the bathroom or not has similar effect.

The best plan that I have found for accurately measuring my weight is to weigh myself in the morning AFTER my “constitutional” but before I intake any food or liquid. That process is pretty easy to duplicate each morning. Even then, my weight will fluctuate a pound or two based upon what I ate or drank the night before. Take a few days average to determine your real weight. Don’t be fooled by a few ounces (or even a couple pounds) of weight loss – unless it is consistent over several days. Considering all the variables that effect our weight, it is totally ridiculous to speak of weight gain or loss in terms of less than a pound. (Eg., “I lost 2 and 1/2 pounds yesterday/last week/whatever.”)

Actually, this article is a celebration of the miraculous machine that houses your soul. Your body is able to use its internal water and convert that to sweat that moves heat from your body to the atmosphere. Indeed, we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Bible, Psalms 139:14).

This sounds strange but it could be considered “thinking outside the box.” According to my calculations (see note1), a 120 lb person will only burn about 65 calories while walking a mile. You can get that many calories in about four M&M candy pieces! Or, more in line with my automobile thinking, about four teaspoons of sugar provides  65 calories.

Just consider, at that rate, you could travel almost 30 miles on one pound of sugar. The price of gasoline is now averaging over $3 per gallon. Sugar, on the other hand is about 60 cents per pound. So, for the same $3, you could travel about 30 miles in a car or consume 5 pounds of sugar and walk about 150 miles!

Now, I realize that the auto makers don’t want to hear this, so I don’t expect them to start sending me royalties on the idea of using sugar to power automobiles. And I doubt that a lot of you lazy people are inclined to walk everywhere you go, so I don’t know if this is feasible or not. But if the price of gasoline goes much over $4 a gallon, you may see me walking to town to buy more sugar!

Ok, so I am not REALLY serious about all this. It is a bit humorous (and some people question whether I have any sense of humor). More to the point, it demonstrates how EFFICIENT our bodies are. Ask anyone who has tried to diet and loose weight – when our body is facing a period of fasting, it will become even MORE efficient and utilize even fewer calories for the same amount of work.

I guess that is why the Psalmist said,

Ps 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I am highly favored and blessed beyond measure,
Ray

Note1: Info from http://www.chacha.com/ , There are about 115 teaspoons of sugar to the pound; How many calories does the average person burn while walking 1 mile?  calories = .53 times person’s weight.

Note2: Although it is not recommended to actually add sugar to a gas tank, it probably would not do a lot of harm (contrary to popular belief). Ref: http://auto.howstuffworks.com/fuel-efficiency/fuel-consumption/sugar-in-gas-tank.htm

Just about 5 weeks ago (on Jan 12), I had surgery on my shoulder for a bone spur, arthritis, and a torn rotator cuff. The surgery went well and my recovery has been amazing!

• I have not had any pain medication since I left the hospital. There has been a small amount of pain but it has been less than what I experienced prior to surgery.
• I went back to the surgeon after 4 weeks and he said that I was far advanced beyond what most experience. The range of motion now is almost back to “normal” (for a 66 yr old man). I carried a 5 gallon can of gas with that arm  (almost 45 lbs) a few days ago and felt no pain.
• Yesterday was my first day in therapy. It went well and I had to tell the tech to give me a heavier weight every time. Today, I went back and my range of motion has increased 10 degrees since last week!

Thank God that He still heals, sometimes with doctors and at other times without them. Either way, all healing comes from God!

I consider it “prayers answered.” It has now been four days since surgery. Still no pain medicine and no more pain than what I experienced prior to surgery! And, I was able to remove the bandages this morning and take a full shower!

I have good use of my right arm (the surgery was on the right shoulder). I can use it to type, eat & do most light-duty stuff as long as it does not require me to move my hand above my eyes or turn my arm to the side or back. I also have to be careful about the weight that I attempt to carry or the strength that I try to express with my hand. My doctor said that I can just allow my body to tell me when I am going too far – and it does. And since I am not taking pain meds, I can TRUST my body to tell me the truth about pain.

For all of this, I am thankful. Thankful to all my friends who prayed (& continue to do so), to my doctor who clearly did an excellent job with the surgery – but most of all to my Father, God who ENABLED it all!

I do not expect to write any further updates on this. Unless I tell you otherwise, I am healed – and I am well on my way to recovery!

Well, I’m back! I am at home typing with one finger of my LEFT hand.

My right shoulder was cleaned – lot of arthritis – but I had a small tear in the “cushion” between the bones. They repaired it but the recovery will likely take longer than expected.

I certainly appreciate all the prayers. I have no pain & it has been over a day since the last pain med!

It would be hard for anyone who has been touch typing for the past 50 years (I have) to go back to finger-picking characters on the keyboard. It is extra difficult since I have a FRENCH keyboard – for real.

A couple years ago, when my laptop keyboard was worn out, I ordered a replacement from Dell’s “bargains” & when it arrived, it had French characters and accents. “No problem” I said to myself, “I touch type and don’t look at them anyway.” Except NOW I have to!

I will undergo arthroscopic shoulder surgery to remove a bone spur & possible rotator cuff tear. It is done outpatient but it could possibly take as much as 6 weeks to recover.

I probably won’t be able to use the keyboard for a while. So don’t give up on this or any of my other sites. I will be back!

One hundred years

This ought to boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The year is 1902 .. one hundred years ago … what a difference a century makes! Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1902:

• The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
• Only 14 Percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.
• Only 8 percent of the American homes had a telephone.
• A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
• There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.
• The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
• Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st- most populous state in the Union.
• The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
• The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour.
• The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
• A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
• More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.
• Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as “substandard.”
• Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
• Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
• Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.
• The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease!
5. Stroke

• The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn’t been admitted to the Union yet.
• The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30.
• Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn’t been invented.
• There was no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
• One in ten U.S. adults couldn’t read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated high school.
• Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, “Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.”
• 18 percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
• There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.

Just think what it will be like in another 100 years. ……It boggles the mind….! .

I bought this game sometime around 1977 at a Fred’s store in Eupora, MS. I don’t recall how much I paid but I think it was over $100. But my kids and I got a lot of “TV” time using this little bugger!

The C-380 was the precursor to the C-2600 that is now a classic. (BTW, I have one of those also that still works fine! Also, I have the Intellivision console that still works.) The  C-380 plays several versions of Pinball, a few variations of basketball (sort of), Ping-Pong and, my favorite: Breakout.

Here are some photos of the device in various forms of dress (and undress). You can even check out the serial number on the bottom. It is for real!

Atari Model C-380 top view

Atari C-380 Bottom View

Atari C-380 Mother Board

I have a video of the console in action as I played a game of Breakout – after the break…..

Actually, the score was really bad but it demonstrates how the game worked.

So, what do you think? Is this a REAL classic, or what?

Ray