Stuff From Ray's Head

All the stuff that isn't worth putting anywhere else

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Brothers Malaprop

July 19th, 2011 · Fun

Recently, I met two men whom I have named “The Brothers Malaprop.”

These two are continually recounting stories that happened to a friend of theirs from back in Mississippi. The friend has made lot of money, even though he is not well educated. The stories are all about this friend’s “habit of misusing words ridiculously, especially by the confusion of words that are similar in sound.” In case you did not know, that is the definition of the word “Malapropism” (mal-a-prop-ism). (Special thanks to Melissa Donovan for pointing me to the correct word.)

fleas white as snowThe word is derived from the French phrase mal à propos (literally “ill-suited”). The Wikipedia states, “The terms malapropism and the earlier variant malaprop come from Richard Brinsley Sheridan‘s 1775 play The Rivals, and in particular the character Mrs. Malaprop. Sheridan presumably named his character Mrs. Malaprop, who frequently misspoke (to great comic effect), in joking reference to the word malapropos.”

(Note that malapropisms are different from other speaking or writing mistakes, such as eggcorns or spoonerisms.)

I have enjoyed these humorous phrases for years but I never could find the word that described them. Now I have found the word and I want to USE it!

So, here is a quick list of some of my favorite malapropisms. Some are from my memory, others from the web. All are hilarious! (Add your favorite in the comments.)

  • Yogi Berra‘s statement: “Texas has a lot of electrical votes.” The malapropism is the use of “electrical” instead of the correct word, “electoral,” which is similar in sound.

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China to Taiwan – a difficult trip

July 19th, 2011 · Fun

Ever heard the phrase, “You can’t get there from here?”

Well, although it is possible, Google Maps (step 10) suggests that the trip from “China” to “Taiwan” is going to be pretty difficult.

swim the pacific ocean

Trip from China to Taiwan is really difficult!

Try it yourself. 

Visit maps.google.com and enter “Dongjing Dao, Fujian, China to Bali District, Taiwan” (without quotes) into the search box and hit enter….

Step #10 says you will need to “Swim across the Pacific Ocean.” At that point, it is only about 165 kilometer (or just over 100 miles). Be sure to get plenty of rest before you go…

 

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Lose 3 Pounds in 30 Minutes!

June 2nd, 2011 · Health

Anyone can lose weight!

In this article, I will show you how. You can lose 1-3 pounds in less than an hour. This morning, I lost 2 pounds before breakfast! And it is not expensive.

Disclosure Notice: I am NOT selling expensive exercise machines, special diet foods, my book, or ANYTHING! I am not even recommending this kind of weight loss. This is just a public notice that weight loss is possible if you really want to – but do you really WANT to?
Caloric Balance

Caloric Balance

There is a limit to the amount of weight that a person can lose but it is considerably more than you might think. The average person can duplicate the examples that I mention here. How? By exercise.

So, what kind of exercise will cause me to lose that kind of weight? Well, it takes about 3500 calories to equal a pound of fat (about.com). You use about 700 calories per hour doing high intensity aerobics (Lisa Balbach). So, if you just do five hours of high intensity aerobics (non-stop), you will have used enough calories to burn one pound of fat! That is NOT something that I am going to do!

Richard Simmons sells DVDs under the title, “Sweating To The Oldies.” That is close to what we are talking about – but the type of music is unimportant. The SWEAT is what does it! Are you willing to sweat? If so, you can lose weight!

I discovered this process when I was running a few years back. I ran for about 30 minutes during my lunch break. There was a set of medical scales in the locker room and I weighed myself before going out one day. Then I weighed myself when I returned from a 3.5 mile run (about 30 minutes). I found that I weighed 3 pounds lighter than before. It was noontime on a hot summer day here in Southeast Louisiana. What had happened was that I had SWEAT off three pounds.

The old saying is, “A pint’s a pound, the world around.” Meaning that a pint of water is not just 16 ounces liquid weight – it is also 16 ounces physical weight. So, I had sweat 3 pints of water. That is NOT a good thing!! Everyone should re-hydrate themselves when they exercise. If you start to feel faint or dizzy – or if you stop sweating, you are likely getting close to heat fatigue – or even heat stroke! DRINK PLENTY OF WATER WHEN YOU EXERCISE!

Again, I am NOT suggesting that anyone use this technique for a weight loss plan. Although exercise is essential for everyone – especially if you want to lose weight, any loss of fluid is only a temporary weight loss. Stop by the Circle-K and get one of those 32 ounce “Big Gulp” drinks and you will GAIN two pounds (plus the extra calories that it contains).

The purpose of this article is to [Read more →]

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Cars Powered By Sugar?

February 19th, 2011 · Fun

Could automobiles run on sugar rather than gas?

sugar in take

This sounds strange but it could be considered “thinking outside the box.” According to my calculations (see note1), a 120 lb person will only burn about 65 calories while walking a mile. You can get that many calories in about four M&M candy pieces! Or, more in line with my automobile thinking, about four teaspoons of sugar provides  65 calories.

Just consider, at that rate, you could travel almost 30 miles on one pound of sugar. The price of gasoline is now averaging over $3 per gallon. Sugar, on the other hand is about 60 cents per pound. So, for the same $3, you could travel about 30 miles in a car or consume 5 pounds of sugar and walk about 150 miles!

Now, I realize that the auto makers don’t want to hear this, so I don’t expect them to start sending me royalties on the idea of using sugar to power automobiles. And I doubt that a lot of you lazy people are inclined to walk everywhere you go, so I don’t know if this is feasible or not. But if the price of gasoline goes much over $4 a gallon, you may see me walking to town to buy more sugar!

Ok, so I am not REALLY serious about all this. It is a bit humorous (and some people question whether I have any sense of humor). More to the point, it demonstrates how EFFICIENT our bodies are. Ask anyone who has tried to diet and loose weight – when our body is facing a period of fasting, it will become even MORE efficient and utilize even fewer calories for the same amount of work.

I guess that is why the Psalmist said,

Ps 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I am highly favored and blessed beyond measure,
Ray

Note1: Info from http://www.chacha.com/ , There are about 115 teaspoons of sugar to the pound; How many calories does the average person burn while walking 1 mile?  calories = .53 times person’s weight.

Note2: Although it is not recommended to actually add sugar to a gas tank, it probably would not do a lot of harm (contrary to popular belief). Ref: http://auto.howstuffworks.com/fuel-efficiency/fuel-consumption/sugar-in-gas-tank.htm

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